The End of Two Weeks of Fast Break

I am at the end of my 2 weeks of Fast Break on Sparkpeople. I have been struggling so hard not to lose everything I have gained, but it is really difficult. I feel like I have gained all of my weight back. I am having significant problems with tracking and with moderating how much I eat. I feel like I have had a week long binge. It is discouraging. My consolation is that I still care, and I still try to log on to SparkPeople daily. If I can't track what I eat online, then I "log" in my head. I try to keep a running tally, but that is difficult, because I am not in a place mentally where I can eyeball servings yet, or even guess the health values of most foods.

On my honor, I swear that from this night forward, I will make a harder attempt to track before I eat, and to not "justify" in my head.

Last weekend was my undoing, and this weekend I will be in a similar situation, so I am making some guidelines. I shouldn't eat chips this weekend, so I won't. I shouldn't drink soda this weekend, so I won't. I shouldn't eat dessert this weekend, so I won't (unless there is a lemon bar in which case a bite or two should suffice). I can make better decisions for myself and feel good about them.

Major Choices

I have been a Political Science major for 3 years now. When I chose it, my mom told me that I was choosing the major because I didn't want to make a real decision about it. I think maybe she was right.

In my senior year of High School, I took a Law class and participated in Mock trial. I was good at it. I thought it was fun, and it made me want to think about people's rights. My senior year I wrote college entrance essays about how I wanted to change the world.

With college came humility. I went from being a straight A student, to struggling to make Cs. I have failed classes; I have struggled. There have been times when I didn't know if I was going to be allowed to return to Davis the next quarter. There is nothing like the fear of letting your dreams go and disappointing everyone who believed in you.

Each quarter, I am never quite sure if I will be on academic probation, or if I will squeak by. I hate the uncertainty. Maybe things would be better if I enjoyed my classes more, but I don't.

I dread my major classes. I wish I had chosen some other major, but I have come so far on this path. I feel trapped.


Image: http://www.everydaypeoplecartoons.com/cartoon/57